I think we got marriage wrong. It used to be the foundation You married, and then built life from scratch. The mess, the risks, the growth You carried them together. Now it’s treated like a trophy. First prove yourself alone.. Career, travel, solo apartment, dating life. Only once you’ve “arrived,” you earn the right to marry. But here’s the crack in that logic: By the time you’ve built this perfectly independent life, you’re also perfectly alone in it. And two self-sufficient people don’t suddenly know how to be vulnerable together. That’s why marriages today feel fragile. We expect them to be polished, conflict-free, Instagram-ready from day one. But marriage was never meant to be the prize at the end of adulthood. It was meant to be the training ground for it.
Marriage is companionship Two people with shared values ideas and belief systems coming together to jointly build a life better than what they could have done alone The idea of marriage to be ideal from the start is a wrong notion that society at large is conditioned with
Or we can look at it little differently. Self sufficient, financially independent and knowing for sure what you want from your partner is what happens now. I feel by the time you become a trophy man or woman, you are whole and complete and only look for a partner who will compliment you, build on companionship and grow from there on (the growing never stops). There is a huge risk is starting from scratch and growing together... What if both grow but in different direction!
Gargee .Nicely articulated... I think our perception that perfection and full compatibility must exist from the start is part of the issue. In our ignorance we often love with so much intensity at the beginning, without realizing real growth comes from building together. I believe more than anything, you grow with a person. The foundation has to be there, along with respect for each other’s independence, but the evolution of the union is where the beauty lies. After all it’s the journey that matters most. And growing in two different directions doesn't mean both can't co-exist and complement...this is not YIN and YANG, where you complete me..it's just you see me, that's more than enough.
Vaibhav J.This is getting very interesting. Actually, there is no black and white, right and wrong. It is only your truth vs my truth when it comes to relationships. I am no relationship guru honestly, but i do see the importance of being complete in yourself first rather than finding a partner to complete you. You got to see and know your own scars and wounds before you bring that to the table expecting your partner to heal you from it. I think that's what brings in compatibility and perfection, when you are complete and whole yourself. The YIN and YANg balance has to be within, not outside. Then if you grow in different directions, you can co-exist, otherwise that is a big challenge.
Gargee .Couldn't have said it better.. Truth is always yours and mine...only facts are universal..Also, self-completion matters. Yet, some scars only reveal themselves in relationships, not before. Maybe healing is less a prerequisite and more a shared process...
oh surely. I feel the best relationships mirror our scars and triggers them so that we can heal from it. Sometimes, it happens together and sometimes we grow apart :)
Gargee .But when we talk to most of parents and grandparents generation about their most memorable moments they never say how they bought their 2nd home or buying their 2nd car which was luxury one or moments that improvised from luxury to ultra luxury rather they cherish the moments that they crossed the struggle zone to comfort zone together, the bond that is built from scratch is incomparable whereas the bond will always be fragile when they start from comfort zone as they have never accomplished anything as first together to cherish rather they just accomplished a luxury version of something they already made alone before marriage
Dewan Mohamedthat's always the case. But you are probably referring to materialistic luxury. I am referring to growing from a mindset pov where you are complete in your life on your own because you have healed from all your conditionings. For example, women don't need a man to show her worth. Or men don't a woman who makes him believe he can be loved with all his flaws. She knows she is worthy and he knows he is loveable without each other because they because that's dealing with your wounds and showing up for each other complete. Then you build memories and achieve milestones together and that's so beautiful.
Marriage was meant to be the training ground for adulthood? For whose benefit exactly? Sorry, but if you compare unmarried men vs unmarried women in India who live away from home, it's the men who tend to struggle with adulting vs the women. The "training ground" is only to the man's benefit. Most women ARE pre-trained. The "training ground" metaphor only works if you assume both partners are equally unprepared, which is rarely the case. Women’s unpaid labor, resilience, and early conditioning get erased when people generalize marriage as a universal school for adulthood.
Vaibhav J.Marriages failed because you have to write this on the LinkedIn platform, a place which recognizes not honesty, ethics,openness as parameters but network, fame and money. A culture which is built on the latter. vs the former will also always produce unhappy humans who are searching for more, We are never enough, we have impostor syndrome, 'we want to be more' because we think we are less, where growth means to be financially succesful, have fame, be fit...but rarely happy and good human beings first. How can unhappy humans be happy together? Our goal posts are skewed,not the process.
Marriage can't be ideal from the start. Otherwise how will the 2 people grow together as one cohesive unit? The idea that let's become perfect first and then unite is in itself flawed to begin with!
100%agree . Marry a little young — it’s like those old-school friendships: all heart, a bit messy, kinda risky… but loads of fun. Again just my experience with my family , friends may be not true for everyone
This framing feels a bit too neat. Earlier generations didn’t always get to ‘build together’ on equal footing. One partner usually carried more of the risks. And independence before marriage isn’t the enemy, it can actually strengthen the partnership. The real challenge isn’t whether you built life solo or together from scratch, it’s whether you know how to practice intimacy, negotiation, and shared goals once you’re in it.
Vaibhav J.I'm a bit conflicted here. While I understand what you're saying, I can't unsee that growing together earlier often meant one person gave up more, which wasn’t exactly ideal. People grew apart a lot, but they still stayed in unfulfilling marriages. I think when we say it's harder to merge lives at a later stage, the underlying assumption is that independence makes you rigid. But it doesn’t always. Independence can also make you more open. At that point, marriage isn’t about meeting a norm, it’s about actively choosing it. And by then you usually know that the most honest kind of growth comes when two people already know themselves, and still decide to keep evolving side by side.
Priyanka P.Maybe you right...earlier marriages often meant uneven compromise. But I see that as a gap in awareness, not timing. Independence today gives us choice, but it can also trap us in rigidity..if two people havr capacity to keep renegotiating and evolving together, then marriage can sustain
Interesting take, probably somewhere lies the balance in it, you shouldn't marry too early, you barely know yourself, you shouldn't marry too late because as you said, we stabilise over time and I've felt this in myself, the more stable you are the less likely you are to form connections, be vulnerable, need someone, almost like an inert gas Marriage or not, relationship in itself should be about companionship, living and building together, naturally after some years if it leads to marriage that's good Obviously in India its all split, the relationships are formed with different conditons and marriage is formed with different conditions almost like we are all following some broken playbook
Khushal SahniCompletely on point. India is one of those countries where our deep rooted cultural notions does bring about misunderstood expectations when it comes to marriage.
Interesting. Allow me to share a different perspective ~ when one is ready to defer to the larger goal of the unit (in this case, the couple and family) over one's own individual goals - then it's the right time to marry. For some, this spirit of teamwork is ingrained at 21. Some evolve into it in their late 20's or early 30's. Some burn their fingers and then discover this secret in their late 30's and early 40's. And some still search for this formula well into their 50's. Don't marry till you can't conceive how helping someone reach their goal may be even more joyful than reaching your own. Don't get me wrong, one could aspire to be head of state or launch a billion $ company as one's goal. But the day you realize that offering a tailwind to someone else's goals will earn you more respect in your own eyes ~ than whatever you achieve for yourself ~ you are perfect marriage material.
Deepak Punwaniit's a thoughtful perspective! But if everyone waited until they perfected the art of teamwork and selflessness, wedding halls might just turn into yoga retreats instead. 😟😁Sometimes figuring this out together is half the fun and full adventure.
ha haVaibhav J., indeed. In fact, teamwork is a spectrum and not a discrete point. So, absolutely - the fun is in figuring this out together. But if one is rowing together, at least the bow has to be pointed in the same direction. So, by all means, figure out teamwork together as you grow. But then, at least have that as one of the couple's goals to start with; otherwise, both will be rowing in opposite directions, and their boat goes nowhere. A stationary boat sinks first in a tidal wave :)
Marriage, means locked with one person for life? Thats definitely wrong. I am glad it’s not working out, it was never meant to work out this way. Not in the current economic setup where instant success and instant gratification are the norm. Where money and fame are the only yardsticks. Who is interested in decency, moral values and family togetherness in such an environment. Let’s see how society will eventually solve this problem, it’s not going to happen anytime soon. Something major has to shift for clarity to emerge but being locked with one person for life was never the right thing. Thats for sure.
Ashish Gupta deep shared experiences got replaced with curated parallel lives. This makes marriage feel more like a lifestyle choice than a survival pact which makes it entirely optional.
Nice perspectiveVaibhav, IMO marriages now operate more like strategic partnerships. both partners share goals, contribute professionally and domestically, and negotiate responsibilities rather than split roles by default. thoughtful communication during key transitions like starting a joint life, mid-career shifts, or later-stage changes is what makes such unions resilient .
Sukhvinder SinghIn a world where we get neurotic and focus on optimization, this is exactly what happened. People are looking to optimize for a partner and end up paralyzed in the process looking for perfect
I don't think previous marriages were romantic in any way whatsoever. There was a lot of loneliness inspite of being a couple and the strain and lack of support wasnt even recognized. There was no concept of emotional connection. People were married as kids or young adults and then conformed to gendered societal roles. Just because it lasted to conform to social reasons, doesn't mean the people were happy and doesnt make them better. Also one can have a partner in their self and career building journey without being married to them right at the start. Most successful people have very good boyfriends or girlfriends who they marry later. Marriage requires responsibility as well and not marrying like kids. And most people feel ready to take it once they are more settled. Not knowing how to be vulnerable is a first world problem by those standards. Also in today's world anyone someone marrying very young is likely to feel they missed fishing the sea and cheat on their spouses . Have seen enough examples. One should marry when they have the maturity to handle it.
Vishakha SharmaOld marriages weren’t loveless, they were raw survival, today’s are polished but fragile. i think test was never age, it’s whether two people can grow without breaking each other..
Profound,Vaibhav J. This made me reflect on an insight I once heard from a self-made entrepreneur: Entrepreneurship isn’t about escaping the 9-to-5, or holidaying at will. It demands structure, accountability, and often, even more discipline than a conventional job. Isn’t marriage strikingly similar? It isn’t about the financial freedom you achieved before—or how autonomously you chased happiness earlier in life. Rather, marriage is about envisioning a shared future, defining mutual goals, and building not just a roof above your heads—but a home filled with purpose, partnership, and belonging. To borrow your energy, Vaibhav: I think we got marriage wrong when we treated it as a destination rather than a journey—and one that calls for intention, effort, and shared dreams rather than surrendering to convenience. A marriage rich in discipline, empathy, and purpose isn’t less romantic—it’s more real. And achieving that, I’d argue, is the peak of adulthood!
Aalap Gandhimmarriage is a way of saying let’s do life togethe...maybe we’re just turning it into a complex algorithm when it’s actually just about showing up for each other, one day at a time!
A slightly diff pov: Early marriage for woman had many flaws.. financially dependent (prone to abuse), fully dedicated to household & expected to support husband kn his career from day 1.. early childbirth, etc etc. Getting the time to mature as an independent person, is way better. It gives women the much needed time to choose their life partner, as well as voice to speak-up for their rights.
Sheel J.It does, undoubtedly. I am not advocating any timing of marriage.. I am stating the evolved expectations from the person now and inflexibility in behaviour is causing all this.
Balasree V.crediting empowerment for marital fragility is a shallow analysis... If this whole thing falls apart because women have choices, maybe it was never really about love..it was just about keeping someone stuck. That’s not empowerment ruining marriage, that’s weak commitment being exposed for what it is.
Divyanshu SinghMarriage is NOT about safety, it’s about readiness. If you know your dealbreakers, and can handle flaws, it works. Otherwise, it’s just a high-stakes experiment in hope.
Traditional marriages were built on women’s financial dependence, which often meant silence, not strength. Today’s version risks the opposite....too much independence, not enough vulnerability. The real work is weaving two lives that are both strong and interdependent. That’s not a badge. That’s the hard-earned skill of partnership
Interesting post — I’m not agreeing or disagreeing, just sharing my lens. 1. We are all born free souls, though many of us lack the courage to live that way — we tie ourselves down. 2. Marriage is both a social construct and an institution. At its best, it’s also an experiment in two free souls learning to co-live. Most struggle with it… until they decide it’s simply too expensive or too lonely to separate. 3. For me, marriage isn’t a prize. It’s a conscious choice between two people — and only time reveals how they truly live, grow, and function, both as individuals and as a unit.
“You married, and then built life from scratch.” But historically, that was true mostly for the woman. She moved into a new home, adapted to a new family, built new social circles—often while being financially and socially dependent on her husband. The husband, meanwhile, usually stayed rooted in his existing life. Now, both partners are expected to adjust, compromise, and build together. And suddenly, marriage feels harder. Maybe it’s not that marriage is failing—maybe it’s that we’re finally asking both people to show up equally. And that takes a different kind of strength.
Jibran K 🚀no it's not. The problem is that "WE" made it that way. This has been a permanent problem with law, it has a word and a spirit. The problem has always been that people follow the word of the law, but never the spirit. This leads to all kinds of problems and crimes in the world
Easily the most sensible thing I have read on LinkedIn for a long long time. Not much of a commentator on other people's posts - but simply could not stop myself today.Vaibhav J.Sirjee, thank you so much for expressing this so beautifully 🙏
Interesting, but the issue earlier was that while building from scratch, it was usually women who had to take a backseat and let the man build for both. Now, women are carving out their own paths, and that’s what’s driving the shift.
True. Even I advise the same to many of my junior colleagues. I got married at 23 and we have built it from scratch going through all ups and downs which built a unbreakable bond, but this generation are afraid of seeing downs with their life partner which will never build the bond between them, without bond it's always fragile
Well I do agree with quite a few things here, but we often tend to glamorise things of the past. Like how people were “better, hard working, more respectful” in the past. There always were all kinds of people then, and there are all kinds of people even now. Same goes for marriage. Similarly, there were all kinds of marriages then, and there are all kinds of marriages even now. Just because people used to live together (especially because they didn’t have any choice) doesn’t mean their marriages were better, stronger, foundational or built from scratch. They were transactional, more or less, and nothing much has changed since. The difference is “the choice” that people have now, of living together, walking away, walking alone, or getting into a transactional relationship. It was trophy that people would flaunt and seek and nothing major has changed in that respect. People just are more Vocal and Aware. I think the important factors still remain the same, to build a life together: you have to open your heart, build space for another person, and need to have mutual respect. Foundations never change, it’s the outlook that has changed. We are able to see the fractures that were ALWAYS there. Maybe they can be finally undone!
Being able to live alone, do everything alone is leading to form a very delayed or in some cases no dependency at all. But in a setup like marriage, co-dependency is the key.
Love the thought... in am attempt to save child marriages, the foundation of marriage has seen a paradigm shift. Earlier, people were earning less but they knew how to keep their families together Now, families are falling apart but they feel lucky they earn enough to pay alimony.
Marriage is a partnership, or it has to be a partnership. Two people coming together with some shared values, some ideas and then building a life together. They may not think or approach life in the same way, but they make it work, they both adjust, remould, grow together and independently too. All this takes time and work and effort but no one wants to do that in today's world of instant gratification! Nothing worthwhile was ever easy, but somehow we expect it to be and aren't willing to do the work, cuz that's hard and it might include some self reflection too !
Marriage does not mean you need to find a perfect partner... There is no one in the world who is perfect Instead of "Perfect partner", one can look for " willing partner " a partner who is willing to put the effort to become a better version of themselves a partner who is willing to nourish the relationship. a partner who is willing to respect and understand each other differences, love languages etc. Willingness is more important than perfection
There are two sides to every argument. Sometimes it’s better to learn to live alone. Sometimes it’s better to dive early. It’s actually the person you choose and your compatibility with them which will determine everything!
If marriages happen early..chances are two people didn't know their goals and what they want to fall for wrong choices and when one achieves and later didnt..the crack definitely comes and it's not always about career or financial goals...when two people of similar wavelength or achievers met they know the value, mature enough and have know the importance of conflict solving and standing for themselves....two people who grow together are rare....it's jst myth that if 2 people are achievers they can't be vulnerable.. vulnerability comes from emotions not from the years of togetherness...There may be couples who are married for like 30-40 years and still cannot share basic emotions with each other....some people stay married doesn't define marriage is good...n Divorces never say that two people who are achievers loose it...it's just they accepted boldly that it's not to be continued...only being in marriage doesn't define marriages are good and people in them are happy...
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The mess the grind etc is nothing but what Bollywood glorified in the name of love. In reality, it leads to bitterness. Also, men have often used those women, their love and comfort in the building up stage only to leave them and run for a younger more prettier one when they make their money. Love is always a scam to make women settle for less. Also, no man who loves a woman would willingly want to drag her into his misery. He builds his structure first then welcomes her. In exceptional cases, when such messy relationships thrive, it is because women have more miserable lives in their own paternal homes or they are not educated enough to provide themselves a better life, or in extreme rare cases there is a great masculine vision and direction worth supporting like in the case of Pankaj Tripathi , the actor, whose wife supported him during his trying days and both ended up happy. I have see many women guilt tripped into settling with a half baked man only to be dominated and disturbed in the marriage.
I guess this is more a commentary on the fact that we can't afford to marry and then figure it out anymore cause cost of living and raising a family are just outrageous
In marriage, many people walk around with an empty glass,they expect their partner to fill them with love, care, happiness, and fulfillment. At the same time, they assume their partner will always carry a full jug,unlimited patience, energy, and affection to pour into their glass. A strong marriage happens when both bring their own jug partly filled with self-love, emotional stability, and effort and then pour into each other.
I think we need to understand that marriage, like anything else, changes with the times. It used to be clear gender roles It used to be the middle class cosplaying the rich It used to be mess, risks, and a life that...you were locked into. While 'what ifs' quietly circulated in your head. Then, financial freedom arrived. Choice arrived. What ifs started having their day. Some enjoyed it, for others it worked out differently. The idea that simply...enduring...a marriage is valuable, is largely built on the absence of choice. Not always as noble as nostalgia would make it seem. Marriage is just meant to be whatever the two people involved want it to mean. I understand your argument about people not having 'relationship resilience'. Let me raise you one. Do you think it's always a valuable quality to cultivate?
I think it is a healthy environment which now at least provides the option to people (both genders) to be successful and to choose either solitude/self sufficiency or marriage. Marriage is not enforced as mandatory now - as it was enforced earlier. And it should not be - marriage or solitude should clearly be a choice. Earlier these mandatory marriages - at least more than 60% of them were toxic in some way shape or form (both genders) - at least this environment clearly values the individual as a whole and complete self first - which is really crucial and foundational. In Europe - almost 40-60% people choose to live in solitude and the rest choose to marry . We are seeing similar choices in South Korea as they prosper economically in the last 1-2 decades. Single households by choice have risen significantly.
Interesting perspective, but I see it differently. Historically, marriage was less about being a “training ground” and more about strategic partnership and alliance for wealth, land, families, influence. And marriage can means different things to different people. For some, it’s about building life from scratch; for others, it’s about first proving themselves individually and then seeking partnership. Neither approach is inherently right or wrong. In my view, marriages feel fragile not because of when or how they begin, but because one or both partners aren’t ready to do the real work—on themselves, on each other, and on the challenges that come along the way. There’s no single formula for a successful marriage. What matters is the willingness to grow together.
I think the author misses the nuances of Indian Marriages and why is it moving towards the way it is. Earlier, marriages were like roulette - you had no idea who you were locked in for life - especially women - who had to build from scratch and due to societal norms had to stay put in unhappy and miserable marriages. Younger marriages meant lack of maturity from both partners to actually manage life and that led to more conflicts. Dont mistake longevity or so called journey that you say into believing that those were happier. Just do a quick survey of women in your family in the previous generation or even before that - ask them questions such as - what their dreams were? You will get a sad lonely answer - buried in society, kids and duty to husband/family. The reason marriages are evolving now is to move to a more fulfilling happier construct where you KNOW exactly what you are getting into and with your choice. And the ability to get out of it if it fails and not be miserable your entire life. It is infact building cooperation when it is harder and thus will be more stronger in the long run. Hope you follow up with a more nuanced take rather than whitewashing younger/miserable marriages.
Marriage is an archaic concept. I think Indians need to mature more to have live/in partnerships or something similar. It removed the drama out of companionship.
I agree that something has changed around marriage especially in the educated urban class. People are “analyzing” various aspects including double income, education, location, etc. Now it is more common to hear about divorce within our “circle”. But irrespective of how much anybody plans, life always takes unexpected turns and I am not sure if the “Analysts” are prepared for that.
Let it be. It indirectly contributes towards an overall reduced population in the long run anyways (Need it here while taking care not to become a Japan/Korea in this regard), plus talking about Indian laws with respect to marriage and inheritance, we need to have it gender neutral asap! Also, while we are at it, it's best to champion partners' compatibility. Building life to the lifestyle you desire from scratch while single has its own perks.
How did we know it was working smoothly before ..we only know the outcome from survival..Did we know the different hardships was faced by them or pressures with society norms or able to express themselves without any second thought.. if you are not happy you have to resolve it or get moving life is to live and move on ..not being locked
This is such a powerful reflection. I think you’re absolutely right marriage used to be the foundation where two people learned, struggled, and grew together. Today, it often feels like the ‘final reward’ after building a perfectly curated, independent life. But the institution of marriage itself has evolved. Earlier, it was more about survival and social structure. Families, finances, even societal acceptance were tied into it. Today, it’s about choice, companionship, and shared values. That’s a positive change, but it also means we enter marriage with higher expectations, less tolerance for imperfection, and sometimes less practice at vulnerability. Maybe the sweet spot lies somewhere in between: entering marriage with enough independence to stand strong, but with the humility to grow, compromise, and build together. After all, marriage isn’t meant to be flawless from day one, it’s meant to be the ground where flaws can be nurtured into strength. Most importantly people have forgotten that it's you water me I water you. No human can be 100% all the time.
My biggest take is to slow down on using social media to stop (consciously and sub-consciously) comparing your relationship with that of content creators.
Marriage was about building lives together. Today, its about assembling together already built lives. I got married at 22, while wifey was 21; I think it worked out well for us. Gave us a chance to actually build a life together before we were exposed to other options that the world has to offer. The life we have is the only life we know, and we are quite satisfied with what we do have. Worked out quite well for us. Were we lucky? May be. 😊
That is absolutely wrong....The best marriages are ones where both are perfectly ok separate but they only stay for love.....NOT for co-dependency.......If you want an equal companion to love, live and laugh with, not a therapist or a fellow struggler....It is best to go through life's struggles alone and reserve the best for your partner....That way, if your life partner is dishing out crap, you get to leave immediately.....and vice versa....
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Well said. Strength in marriage comes from building through uncertainty, not waiting for perfect conditions. The foundation is created in the mess, the risks, and the shared growth.
Nilanjana Sengupta
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Two people with shared values ideas and belief systems coming together to jointly build a life better than what they could have done alone
The idea of marriage to be ideal from the start is a wrong notion that society at large is conditioned with
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Gargee .
• 2nd
There is a huge risk is starting from scratch and growing together... What if both grow but in different direction!
Vaibhav Jain
Author
I think our perception that perfection and full compatibility must exist from the start is part of the issue. In our ignorance we often love with so much intensity at the beginning, without realizing real growth comes from building together. I believe more than anything, you grow with a person. The foundation has to be there, along with respect for each other’s independence, but the evolution of the union is where the beauty lies. After all it’s the journey that matters most.
And growing in two different directions doesn't mean both can't co-exist and complement...this is not YIN and YANG, where you complete me..it's just you see me, that's more than enough.
Gargee .
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I think that's what brings in compatibility and perfection, when you are complete and whole yourself. The YIN and YANg balance has to be within, not outside. Then if you grow in different directions, you can co-exist, otherwise that is a big challenge.
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Truth is always yours and mine...only facts are universal..Also, self-completion matters. Yet, some scars only reveal themselves in relationships, not before. Maybe healing is less a prerequisite and more a shared process...
Gargee .
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Vaibhav Jain
Author
Dewan Mohamed
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Gargee .
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Then you build memories and achieve milestones together and that's so beautiful.
Amanda Sodhi • 2nd
Vaibhav Jain
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Saurabh Parmar
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A culture which is built on the latter. vs the former will also always produce unhappy humans who are searching for more,
We are never enough, we have impostor syndrome, 'we want to be more' because we think we are less, where growth means to be financially succesful, have fame, be fit...but rarely happy and good human beings first.
How can unhappy humans be happy together? Our goal posts are skewed,not the process.
Kaushik Chattopadhyaya
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Prakhar P.
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Anshu Kad
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Priyanka P.
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Vaibhav Jain
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Priyanka P.
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I think when we say it's harder to merge lives at a later stage, the underlying assumption is that independence makes you rigid. But it doesn’t always. Independence can also make you more open. At that point, marriage isn’t about meeting a norm, it’s about actively choosing it. And by then you usually know that the most honest kind of growth comes when two people already know themselves, and still decide to keep evolving side by side.
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Khushal Sahni
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Marriage or not, relationship in itself should be about companionship, living and building together, naturally after some years if it leads to marriage that's good
Obviously in India its all split, the relationships are formed with different conditons and marriage is formed with different conditions almost like we are all following some broken playbook
Jerin George
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Deepak Punwani
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Vaibhav Jain
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Deepak Punwani
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Vaibhav Jain
Author
Ashish Gupta • 2nd
Vaibhav Jain
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Dhillan Chandramowli
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Sukhvinder Singh
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Vaibhav Jain
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Vishakha Sharma
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Vaibhav Jain
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Aalap Gandhi
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This made me reflect on an insight I once heard from a self-made entrepreneur: Entrepreneurship isn’t about escaping the 9-to-5, or holidaying at will. It demands structure, accountability, and often, even more discipline than a conventional job.
Isn’t marriage strikingly similar? It isn’t about the financial freedom you achieved before—or how autonomously you chased happiness earlier in life. Rather, marriage is about envisioning a shared future, defining mutual goals, and building not just a roof above your heads—but a home filled with purpose, partnership, and belonging.
To borrow your energy, Vaibhav: I think we got marriage wrong when we treated it as a destination rather than a journey—and one that calls for intention, effort, and shared dreams rather than surrendering to convenience.
A marriage rich in discipline, empathy, and purpose isn’t less romantic—it’s more real. And achieving that, I’d argue, is the peak of adulthood!
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Aalap Gandhi
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Sheel J.
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Early marriage for woman had many flaws.. financially dependent (prone to abuse), fully dedicated to household & expected to support husband kn his career from day 1.. early childbirth, etc etc.
Getting the time to mature as an independent person, is way better. It gives women the much needed time to choose their life partner, as well as voice to speak-up for their rights.
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Balasree V.
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Marriages feel fragile today because women have other options. And thank goodness for that!
Vaibhav Jain
Author
If this whole thing falls apart because women have choices, maybe it was never really about love..it was just about keeping someone stuck. That’s not empowerment ruining marriage, that’s weak commitment being exposed for what it is.
Balasree V.
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Vaibhav Jain
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Divyanshu Singh
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Vaibhav Jain
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Pooja Parameswaran
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Vaibhav Jain
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Harsh Swaminarayan
• 2nd
Ayushmaan Kapoor you will resonate with this i think! 🙃
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Vc Rkk PraChen • 2nd
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Vc Rkk PraChen • 2nd
Dr. Ikjot Singh
• 2nd
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Parag Deshmukh
• 3rd+
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Vivek Kaushik
• 2nd
Blame wamen 😂. Gone are the days of "Trophy wives", now are the days of "Trophy Husbands".
30L is the new 12 LPA.
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Ashish Gupta • 2nd
Vaibhav Jain
Author
Dr Meghna- The Therapist Mommy
• 2nd
Today’s version risks the opposite....too much independence, not enough vulnerability.
The real work is weaving two lives that are both strong and interdependent.
That’s not a badge. That’s the hard-earned skill of partnership
Radhika Khattar
• 2nd
1. We are all born free souls, though many of us lack the courage to live that way — we tie ourselves down.
2. Marriage is both a social construct and an institution. At its best, it’s also an experiment in two free souls learning to co-live. Most struggle with it… until they decide it’s simply too expensive or too lonely to separate.
3. For me, marriage isn’t a prize. It’s a conscious choice between two people — and only time reveals how they truly live, grow, and function, both as individuals and as a unit.
Deboleena P.
• 3rd+
But historically, that was true mostly for the woman.
She moved into a new home, adapted to a new family, built new social circles—often while being financially and socially dependent on her husband. The husband, meanwhile, usually stayed rooted in his existing life.
Now, both partners are expected to adjust, compromise, and build together. And suddenly, marriage feels harder. Maybe it’s not that marriage is failing—maybe it’s that we’re finally asking both people to show up equally. And that takes a different kind of strength.
Rashmi Sinha, CIPP/E
• 2nd
Neha Menon
• 2nd
Pradip Singhi, CFA, CAIA, FRM
• 2nd
Puja Choudhary
• 3rd+
Jibran Khan • 2nd
Sahin Sarkar
• 2nd
This has been a permanent problem with law, it has a word and a spirit. The problem has always been that people follow the word of the law, but never the spirit.
This leads to all kinds of problems and crimes in the world
Dr. Meghdeepa Kanungo • 2nd
Pramit Pratim Ghosh
• 2nd
Waqas Ahmad Baig
• 2nd
Dewan Mohamed
• 2nd
Saurabh Sharma • 3rd+
HEM DUTT
• 2nd
You married, and then built life from scratch. "
That's the joy. Building life together!!
Shubhangini Dimri
• 2nd
There always were all kinds of people then, and there are all kinds of people even now. Same goes for marriage.
Similarly, there were all kinds of marriages then, and there are all kinds of marriages even now. Just because people used to live together (especially because they didn’t have any choice) doesn’t mean their marriages were better, stronger, foundational or built from scratch. They were transactional, more or less, and nothing much has changed since.
The difference is “the choice” that people have now, of living together, walking away, walking alone, or getting into a transactional relationship.
It was trophy that people would flaunt and seek and nothing major has changed in that respect. People just are more Vocal and Aware.
I think the important factors still remain the same, to build a life together: you have to open your heart, build space for another person, and need to have mutual respect. Foundations never change, it’s the outlook that has changed. We are able to see the fractures that were ALWAYS there. Maybe they can be finally undone!
Tanmay Joshi
• 2nd
Ansh Kathpalia
• 2nd
Kanika Dudeja
• 2nd
But in a setup like marriage, co-dependency is the key.
Varun Kothari
• 2nd
Earlier, people were earning less but they knew how to keep their families together
Now, families are falling apart but they feel lucky they earn enough to pay alimony.
Smriti Walia
• 2nd
Nothing worthwhile was ever easy, but somehow we expect it to be and aren't willing to do the work, cuz that's hard and it might include some self reflection too !
Geet Kiran Aneja
• 2nd
Divya Raviraj
• 2nd
There is no one in the world who is perfect
Instead of "Perfect partner", one can look for " willing partner "
a partner who is willing to put the effort to become a better version of themselves
a partner who is willing to nourish the relationship.
a partner who is willing to respect and understand each other differences, love languages etc.
Willingness is more important than perfection
Parijat Bora
• 3rd+
Neha Bawse • 3rd+
Naval M. • 2nd
Harshwardhan Shetty
• 2nd
Dinesh Govind
• 2nd
Hinal Mehta
• 2nd
Urmi Bhattacharjee
• 2nd
Pratyaksh Gosain
• 2nd
Vinayak Pandey
• 2nd
A strong marriage happens when both bring their own jug partly filled with self-love, emotional stability, and effort and then pour into each other.
P. AKASH KUMARAN
• 2nd
Dhillan Chandramowli
• 2nd
It used to be clear gender roles
It used to be the middle class cosplaying the rich
It used to be mess, risks, and a life that...you were locked into. While 'what ifs' quietly circulated in your head.
Then, financial freedom arrived. Choice arrived. What ifs started having their day.
Some enjoyed it, for others it worked out differently.
The idea that simply...enduring...a marriage is valuable, is largely built on the absence of choice.
Not always as noble as nostalgia would make it seem. Marriage is just meant to be whatever the two people involved want it to mean.
I understand your argument about people not having 'relationship resilience'. Let me raise you one. Do you think it's always a valuable quality to cultivate?
Soumya Mishra • 2nd
Neelesh Shukla (Ph.D.)
• 2nd
Ipsita Ray • 2nd
Marriage is not enforced as mandatory now - as it was enforced earlier. And it should not be - marriage or solitude should clearly be a choice.
Earlier these mandatory marriages - at least more than 60% of them were toxic in some way shape or form (both genders) - at least this environment clearly values the individual as a whole and complete self first - which is really crucial and foundational.
In Europe - almost 40-60% people choose to live in solitude and the rest choose to marry . We are seeing similar choices in South Korea as they prosper economically in the last 1-2 decades. Single households by choice have risen significantly.
Anubhav Vashisht • 2nd
Amrutha V.
• 2nd
Historically, marriage was less about being a “training ground” and more about strategic partnership and alliance for wealth, land, families, influence. And marriage can means different things to different people. For some, it’s about building life from scratch; for others, it’s about first proving themselves individually and then seeking partnership. Neither approach is inherently right or wrong.
In my view, marriages feel fragile not because of when or how they begin, but because one or both partners aren’t ready to do the real work—on themselves, on each other, and on the challenges that come along the way.
There’s no single formula for a successful marriage. What matters is the willingness to grow together.
Mohit Khurana🇮🇳🇦🇪
• 2nd
Susovan Dwivedy
• 2nd
Earlier, marriages were like roulette - you had no idea who you were locked in for life - especially women - who had to build from scratch and due to societal norms had to stay put in unhappy and miserable marriages. Younger marriages meant lack of maturity from both partners to actually manage life and that led to more conflicts.
Dont mistake longevity or so called journey that you say into believing that those were happier.
Just do a quick survey of women in your family in the previous generation or even before that - ask them questions such as - what their dreams were? You will get a sad lonely answer - buried in society, kids and duty to husband/family.
The reason marriages are evolving now is to move to a more fulfilling happier construct where you KNOW exactly what you are getting into and with your choice. And the ability to get out of it if it fails and not be miserable your entire life.
It is infact building cooperation when it is harder and thus will be more stronger in the long run.
Hope you follow up with a more nuanced take rather than whitewashing younger/miserable marriages.
Arpit Agarwal
• 2nd
Aarti Kukreja
• 2nd
Preetam Banerjee
• 2nd
Manish Badani, PhD
• 2nd
Ram Subramanian
• 2nd
Priyanka Arya
• 2nd
Amit Shukla • 2nd
Sukanya Choudhri • 3rd+
Ipsita Ray • 2nd
Vikram Vyas
• 2nd
Hansen Vas
• 2nd
Also, while we are at it, it's best to champion partners' compatibility. Building life to the lifestyle you desire from scratch while single has its own perks.
Kashyap Mandavia • 3rd+
Ravi Gupta
• 2nd
Kavita Kardam • 2nd
Sanyam Tripathi
• 2nd
Sahithi Mannar
• 2nd
Richa Taneja • 2nd
But the institution of marriage itself has evolved. Earlier, it was more about survival and social structure. Families, finances, even societal acceptance were tied into it. Today, it’s about choice, companionship, and shared values. That’s a positive change, but it also means we enter marriage with higher expectations, less tolerance for imperfection, and sometimes less practice at vulnerability.
Maybe the sweet spot lies somewhere in between: entering marriage with enough independence to stand strong, but with the humility to grow, compromise, and build together. After all, marriage isn’t meant to be flawless from day one, it’s meant to be the ground where flaws can be nurtured into strength.
Most importantly people have forgotten that it's you water me I water you. No human can be 100% all the time.
Anirudh Nair • 2nd
Priyanka Vachhani
• 2nd
Rishabh Tiwari 🇮🇳
• 2nd
Anuradha Saigal • 2nd
Abhishek Sharma • 3rd+
Saad Shaikh
• 2nd
I got married at 22, while wifey was 21; I think it worked out well for us. Gave us a chance to actually build a life together before we were exposed to other options that the world has to offer. The life we have is the only life we know, and we are quite satisfied with what we do have. Worked out quite well for us. Were we lucky? May be. 😊
Anirudh J • 2nd
Shanu Athiparambath
• 2nd
Amitabh Bhattacharya
• 2nd
Faaiza Sharieff
• 3rd+
Mohammed Raziq Sairaab
• 2nd
Mandar Pinjarkar
• 2nd
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Sumit Goyal
• 2nd
Sankalp Mehta
• 2nd
Ankita Ghosh
• 2nd
Avi Ravindran
• 2nd
Shubham Agarwal • 3rd+
Frederick S. • 3rd+